Tuesday, January 20, 2009


Psst.  InauguRay here,

I'm getting too old for this.  Not as old as Cheney.  At least I'm not here in a wheelchair.  They pulled me out of Secret Service retirement to help out.  The good news is that they let me keep my boots.  What choice did they have.  It's not often that you need 20,000 Secret Service agents at one time.  I did have to promise to keep StingRay away.  Apparently, he was off his meds the last time he visited.  Claudia has him imprisoned in the guest bath of her house and is making him watch countless hours of CNN.  You probably won't hear from her today.  What with StingRay and the Inauguration......

It's funny, I reached into the pocket of my coat and pulled out a receipt.  The last time I wore this was 2001.  My Starbuck's Quad Tall 180 degree latte was $1.98 with tax.  Those were the days.  The Dow was soaring, oil was cheap and I was still bullish on my Beanie Baby retirement program.  I don't need to go into what's going on today.  It's too painful.  Let's look forward.  What's it going to be like at this time next year?  I'll throw some items out there and you give me your predictions.  Also, throw in an item of two of your own.  You know, case of Bon Bons, Bic Disposable Razors, diapers, or Midol.  I crack me up.  Crying laughing.  Speaking of tears, you should know that Onion beat Cayenne Pepper for Super Bowl Throw Down. 

Here we go.  Give me your predictions.

Gallon of milk
Gallon of gas
How many car companies will still exist?
Mortgage rates?
Obama's approval rating?

Uh oh, there goes a Streaker.  What it is about the Mall that makes people want to streak.  It's 25 degrees out here.  What's he think we're going to see?  Got to go.   Come back here Pee Wee!

Ray out.

No comments: