Psst...

"Jingle all the Ray"

Yeah, yeah, yeah,  I know.  I'm stuck.  "It'll be fun" she said.  "Come on, the kids will love it."  I knew I was going to get stuck.  Now, the kids are hysterical.   They think I chased Santa up the chimney to get his toys.  Claudia's trying to calm them down.  One of them was trying to hit me with the fire poker.    

I should be half way through my second Bloody Mary by now.  How does she rope me into these things?  Every holiday it's the same old story.....just five minutes here or an extra mile there.  I still have paper cuts from all the wrapping.

It all started out fine.  I'm on the roof, rope in hand.  I tie off the rope and start my descent.  I worry about scuffing my boots and lung cancer.  I'm making good progress and I actually believe that this time, everything is going to be OK.  Then it happens, I spot a big roach crawling down a brick after me.  I yell at it.  Unfazed, it leaps from the brick and floats downward, landing on my Santa beard.  I scream like a girl and thrash around trying to dislodge the roach.  I begin to fall and am grateful.  Then I stop falling.  Somehow my belt has gotten hooked on something.  I try chewing the beard loose.  I frantically chomp and spit and shake my head.  I hear crying.......it's not me.  I've done it, the beard has fallen.  I'm free of the beard and the roach but the kids are horrified.  They'll need some kind of therapy after this one.  This is not my fault.

Anyone out there have a similar story?  What worked and what didn't this year?  What was hot and what was not?  Go on, let's hear it.  I've got all day.