Tuesday, December 16, 2008

Psst... It's Me...

Claudia's stuck in her loaner car somewhere between here and Houston. Crazy Texas weather! Speaking of crazy...

Look who has decided to visit me after six years..........it's my cousin Noel. As you can imagine, this is her time of year. She's visiting from Brooklyn where apparently they still love big red X-mas lights. All I've been hearing for the last six hours is "One Italian family has 350,000 red lights... and that's just in the backyard" or "People just love me. It's not Christmas without red lights." "Why don't you just let me try......if you don't like it we can remove the red paint. I'm telling you, once you go red you'll never go back." Blah blah blah blah blah. Don't get me wrong, I love my cousin......just not in December. What was I thinking inviting her to visit?

Six years ago, I vowed never again. I decided to invite her to a party I was having. It was just supposed to be family. A quiet little affair. You know low wattage type of thing. She's shows up with 249 of her friends. They're all the same......red, bright and loud. Those crazy c-16 bulbs scared the heck out of the minilight side of the family. One of the minis burned out and that was it......half the tree was in the dark. Then what do you do? It's impossible to figure out which one freaked out. Can't take the lights down. Can't fix the string. Nightmare. Then the big red ones think it's all funny and they try to scare the other minis. Half the neighborhood went down that night. Kids crying, dogs barking, I think they even caused a fire. Total bedlam. I vowed never again. Who knows what this visit will bring.

What about you? Who in your family is blacklisted? Give me some dirt. Help me feel better about myself. I'll tell you what, I'll read your whacky stories and for the one I like most......I send you a cool ornament for your tree. It's in the little red and white box under my tree.......bet you'll never guess what it is. It's a "mystery." For those of you who have been hanging around this joint for a while, that was a clue.

No chance of Claudia showing up anytime soon, but still I'm outta here. I need to find a stiff egg nog.

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